Homebound & down

It's been about a year since my Long COVID symptoms became so severe that I lost the ability to leave home. Psychologically, it's difficult.

My brother told me he’s been watching Mr. Beast videos. “Don’t judge me,” he says, “but you know, you could win money, because you’re basically doing what they do on his shows but for free.” After further probing, I discover that Mr. Beast is paying people to do things like “survive 100 days trapped inside a private jet- then keep it!” I laugh. He’s right. I, and many of us homebound and bedbound folks, could breeze through a certain type of Mr. Beast challenge.

I’ve been mostly homebound since last June, and fully homebound since last September (other than doctor’s visits). I’ve spent nearly a year in my one-bedroom apartment, watching people walk past on the sidewalk far below, blithely running their errands, remembering how it was once so easy. Sometimes I pick a stranger and track them as they trudge up the street, following them until they’re out of sight. I don’t feel resentful, just curious. What are they doing? Where are they going? How does it feel to be in such a powerful body? Do they know how lucky they are?

My brother shares some wisdom he’s gained from watching people on the Mr. Beast isolation challenges. “It would be good if you had a little outdoor area,” he muses. “As soon as they give people a little outdoor area, they spend a lot of time out there.”